again, I

i feel like i am descending into quiet madness
an abyss that is I
i feel like i`ve let go of the walls i was meant to climb
meant to breach and meant to leave behind
and i feel like i am trapped now

i guess
though i thought i did
it turns out that before this summer i did not know what loneliness was
and i thought i did not know myself, but i did
there was a glimmer of a hope for a chance in my mind before
for that i thought more of myself, but this is sinking in now

i am a mere mortal, no more

i have no purpose beyond the borders of my fragile skin
i am no more or less than I
experience of my inner workings is not unique
neither is it extraordinary
it is a simple truth that I realize over the last passing days that feel longer than the life I lived before
I feel like I am closing in on a massive black hole
the light seems locked in place
and i seem not to move

but i know
i know that I am already at the other side of the line between here and there
but i am not yet to recognize it as my surroundings
it must feel similar to birth
it must be the everlasting moment before my first scream for oxygen in this next world

i feel like the Universe itself imploded and collapsed into my nothingness
i feel like I should feel like when there is nothing to feel
i feel that there is just I that i am with no past or future that are concepts more empty than my belief that i had in something that i thought existed outside of the walls i thought i was meant to overcome
but now

i only know that again i am just becoming I