weight of the soul

songs to be played
but never to be heared
written down prayers
for the endless herd
to me it conveys
a question to contemplate
is my soul weighing down me?

is this the reign of beauty
is freedom to be seized
shall i look back on the time
and realize I believed after all?

poems on canvas
your gaze
thoughts like stars in the night
a deity I try to outrun

I ask again
is my soul weighing down on me?
is it the cause of my restraint
oh, how i fear it to be the shackle to
drag me to blaze

but how could I brake the spell
I could not replicate?
I seek to address the entity inside
behind which curve do you hide?
too long have I let you slip by
hear me, as I ask again!

Is my soul weighing down on me?

peab olema

olen täpsuslaskur
lasen täpselt õigel hetkel
olen jumala suuvooder
ja tumm
ma olen rocknroll
must räpp ja
bass ja trumm
mul on taskud narksi täis
ja tühi pilk
ma ei tunne ennast
mu enesetunne on
ülisitt

peab saama
peab välja nägema
ei
peab käega lööma
peab nutma
nagu eit
ära solvu aga
su sõnad pole eales nii valusad
kui need mis mina ütlemata jätan
aga isegi mitte tahtlikult
vaid sest, et olen käpard

olen täpsuslaskur
ja lastes augustikuu musta taevast
saan pihta põhjanaelale
ja nagu vannilt oleks punn eest tiritud
jään tühjalt jalgele
linnud situvad mu astraalajju
mu silmad kattuvad samblaga
aga ikka ma ei sure
ma olen sinilinnu puur ilma laeta
luule, mida sa kirjutada ei suuda
täitmata pudel
joodiku painaja
sõltlase küündimatus
uskuja kõhklus
olen näinud kõigist kihtidest läbi
ja nende taga näinud mitte ühtegi põhjust

peab olema
peab
olema

again, I

i feel like i am descending into quiet madness
an abyss that is I
i feel like i`ve let go of the walls i was meant to climb
meant to breach and meant to leave behind
and i feel like i am trapped now

i guess
though i thought i did
it turns out that before this summer i did not know what loneliness was
and i thought i did not know myself, but i did
there was a glimmer of a hope for a chance in my mind before
for that i thought more of myself, but this is sinking in now

i am a mere mortal, no more

i have no purpose beyond the borders of my fragile skin
i am no more or less than I
experience of my inner workings is not unique
neither is it extraordinary
it is a simple truth that I realize over the last passing days that feel longer than the life I lived before
I feel like I am closing in on a massive black hole
the light seems locked in place
and i seem not to move

but i know
i know that I am already at the other side of the line between here and there
but i am not yet to recognize it as my surroundings
it must feel similar to birth
it must be the everlasting moment before my first scream for oxygen in this next world

i feel like the Universe itself imploded and collapsed into my nothingness
i feel like I should feel like when there is nothing to feel
i feel that there is just I that i am with no past or future that are concepts more empty than my belief that i had in something that i thought existed outside of the walls i thought i was meant to overcome
but now

i only know that again i am just becoming I